The best laid plans.....

...aren't as potent as bad habits.

I am a pathological procrastinator. it's gotten to the point where i wonder if i don't have some sort of subconscious self-defeating drive. in college i often put off major assignments to the last minute, completing them in high-octane coffee driven all-nighters that would leave me cracked out with the shakes the next day (an inconvenience during exam week, to say the least).

i never changed my flight.

i kept telling myself i would do it today, or tomorrow, or damnit i'm doing it by this weekend! December. i was going to have done it by december. Tonight. I was going to do it by tonight. around 1am i opened the eMail from orbitz i received for my original flight itinerary to find that my flight was not aroudn the 13th as i expected. my flight is on tuesday. this tuesday.

i'm supposed to be on this plane in 42 hours.

i had planned this whole backpacking trip. new years in salvador. carnival in olinda. natinoal parks. beaches. parties. girls. top it all off with a week in rio with my cousin then fly home.

the reservations office doesn't open until 8am tomorrow. if i can't change my ticket, a one way flight in march will cost me over $2000. that's almost the entire budget i had saved up for this backpacking trip. Hell, with the R$/US$ convertions, it might even be more than i had saved up.

Lately, i feel like i've been jsut been getting irresponsible.. i think it's cause i'm bored. the other day i accidentally left the stove on after making eggs (on low!) for like 4 hours. tonight i smoked a fat cuban cigar on my way home only to find my relatvies had arrived a day earier than i had thought they were going to (did i mention they dont know i smoke?). and the energy put into my lessons has gone way down too.

what is wrong with me????